The missile knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't.
I am so glad they did this Jumpstart January thing, cause otherwise this would've been the most boring month ever for people who live and breathe this franchise. Today, I'm gonna be giving my thoughts on the various theories that have come about from the teasers we got in late December.
Jan. 14th Mood Board
Epic Bowhead:
111% this. It lines up with the quintessence, Bowhead lines up with the teaser we got on the TMTM which is also very water based. It's near impossible to dispute this one, yet people still managed to dispute it.
Elder Hornacle:
I get it's the Water celestial, and the Mood Board is mostly water, but if it was an Elder Hornacle Mood Board, they would probably incorporate more underwater things like seaweed, starfish, and coral. But all we have to go off of is two seashells and a lot of water. Get real.
Droah/Tunefor/Water Primordial:
How can a collection of people have this bad of a perception of time? Get real.
Water Island Legendary:
I spent a lot of time looking through the comment section of the JJ video. This is one I got from that comment section only once, but it seems like the kind of thing multiple people would think. Get real.
Jan. 14th Silhouette (and new colored teaser a little bit ago)
Epic Cataliszt:
This is one of the most popular theories, and I don't know why. Why do people seriously want Epic Wheezel to be the VERY last Mythical ever? If BBB didn't care about which monster came last, then they would've released Epic Cataliszt before the Dreamythicals like they did with Rare Cataliszt and not awkwardly in between the Epic Dreamythicals in a random January. Get real.
Epic Bona-Petite or Epic Astropod:
I know it goes against the current pattern, but this whole Jumpstart January thing has a lot of electric theming. So if there were any time to break the pattern, I kind of see how now could be the time. It's a very low, but not 0% chance. Get real-ish.
Epic Magical:
Oh thank goodness, this one actually make sense. By process of elimination, there's really nothing else this could be.
Jan. 28th Bio
Rare Whaill:
"voice", "disharmonious", "strange energies", sounds a lot like a Whaill to me. Now, there's one more thing I've seen people claim this bio to be, but that idea is most likely actually...
Jan. 28th Instruments
New Paironormal:
Now, I'll admit, I might be dumb a little bit. It took me way too long to realize that this monster literally CANNOT be a variant. It being a Paironormal was always my #1 idea, but there was a thought in the back of my head about the Theremin referring to Epic Theremind. But it wasn't until today that I remembered Theremind doesn't actually play the Theremin. Get real (Targeted towards myself).
And another thing I wanna add. The fact that we got no new Paironormals in November may make it seem too early to get a Paironormal in January after getting one in December. But the truth is the gap between eRmA gUrDy and Jan. 28th (7w) is actually a week longer than the gap between Minor Paironormal Carnival and eRmA gUrDy (6w). I hate to say this, but MSM has been referencing 67 a lot, and there's a chance that beyond them trying to be "hip" with the kids, it could be hinting at the fact that the pattern for the remaining Paironormals is 6 weeks for doubles, and 7 weeks for triples (And by succession 8 for the quad). I really really hate how this kind of makes sense.
Is that it? Oh wait, I almost forgot...
Faerie TitanSoul:
Y'all realize that Faerie Island has its own Seasonal Event that happens two months after January? Get real.
Recap:
January 14th, 2026 - Epic Bowhead + an Epic Magical
January 28th, 2026 (Start of SoL) - Rare Whaill + a triple Paironormal + Wanderer Island Schmoochle (I entirely forgot about this)
NOT:
Conclusion: Get real.
(Ever since I revealed my IRL PFP, I've been obsessed with saying "Get real")
Pinghound-NotEpicLiszt:
@AnonymousTater
@RulerOfMashedPotatoes
@SirCarrotCake 2.0
@HelloILikeDoors42Reincarnated
@Readyplayer2020
@13 ASDF
@WhaddleFan
@SlothDoggo360
@RareReset1
@JupiTWOns